Pieces Of My Heart
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Posted on December 9, 2010 | Personal
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I want to thank my sweet friend Morgana for making this beautiful video tribute to my darling Jessie for me! It was such a lovely thing to do and it really means so much to me to have it… it is something I will keep and treasure forever!

Morgana also makes beautiful art, you must visit her gallery at deviantART and take a look!

Pieces Of My Heart - Blog
Posted on November 29, 2010 | Personal
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My Sweet Angel
January 10th 1996 – November 19th 2010

My beautiful girl, Jessie, passed away on friday the 19th of November, and I feel like my heart has torn out and gone with her 🙠She was the sweetest, most patient, loyal and loving friend I could ever have hoped to have and I am very grateful for the almost fifteen years we had together but I also want to scream it’s not enough… I want more ðŸ™

She was diagnosed with chronic kidney disease in August 2009 and since then I’d been doing everything I could to slow the deterioration of her kidneys but they were failing, and she was suffering, so I got a travelling vet to come out and she said that there was nothing else that could be done and that kidney failure is a horrible death and it could go on for days with her suffering just getting worse, so I patted her head and talked to her while she was put to sleep ðŸ™

I miss her so much and I have been haunted ever since by the suffering in her eyes and also by the moment in which the light went out of those beautiful eyes but a couple of days ago I received a sympathy card from the vet, who was so very kind and caring, and in it she enclosed the poem below which has really given me a great deal of comfort.

If it be I grow frail and weak
And pain should wake me from my sleep,
Then you must do what must be done
For this last battle can’t be won.

You will be sad – I understand
Don’t let your grief then stay your hand
For this day, more than all the rest,
Your love and friendship stand the test.

We’ve had so many happy years,
What is to come will hold no fears.
You’d not want me to suffer… so,
When the time comes, please let me go.

Take me where all my needs they’ll tend,
But stay with me until the end,
And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.

I know in time you too will see,
It is a kindness you do for me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From this pain and suffering I’ve been saved.

Do not grieve that it should be you
Who must decide this thing to do.
We’ve been so close, we two, these years,
Don’t let your heart hold any tears.

~Author unknown

 
Jess at three months old and so full of energy
and curiousity


Nine months old in October 1996 and utterly
irresistable


With her frisbee and her football in 1997. She
loved having things thrown for her to fetch
and had a big collection of balls that she was
always excited to add a new one to


Me and my girl in 1999


Nine years old in 2005


She loved to swim, especially if she could
combine it with her love of having something
thrown for her to fetch


The face of an angel
July 2010


Eyes shining with her wonderful intelligence
Taken just 5 weeks ago
Â

Goodbye my darling, may your spirit fly as free as the wind…

And when I join you by and by
Together shall our spirits fly
In heavenly realms so sublime
Forever spring will be our time
For only will our bodies lie
In yonder field

~ Andrea Da Costa

Pieces Of My Heart - Blog
Posted on January 27, 2006 | Personal
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It’s funny, I’ve never really wanted to have a blog and have never really been able to understand what people see in them, but then I started doing this Yahoo 360° page and, as I used all the other areas of it, that empty blog module kept sitting there looking at me! Then I thought to myself, well I could use it to post updates to my poetry site and that idea started to grow on me. It grew and grew and started to expand to maybe I could post my thoughts on life and love and happiness and depression and…. until here I sit with so many things going through my head that I don’t know where to begin!

Start at the beginning you say? Well I’m not sure where the beginning is (unless it’s when I came out into the cold, cruel world and someone slapped me on the ass and I knew I was in for a rough ride 😀 ) but looking back it seems to me that maybe it was not so long ago, when I was 35. I had been married for 14 years and had been unhappy for a long time… although I really didn’t want to face it. I had been in the same job for 16 years and had come to a point where I was bored senseless with it but I didn’t want to look at that either. I was really stuck in just about all areas of my life but looking at them was too scary as it might mean change… and I was really scared of change! Not that I was really even aware of that fact, I just lived in the way I had been conditioned to live and didn’t really know why I acted the way I did!

Then, at 35, I fell into a severe depression and I do mean severe! I was suicidal for months, couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep and couldn’t see any point to life at all… but it forced me to look! It was painful but I started looking at myself and my life and the world and questioning everything and trying to understand. I ended up leaving my husband and my job and, eventually, went back to school. If someone asked me to go through that period of my life again I would run away screaming but I am now actually glad it happened. I know myself better now (and want to keep getting better acquainted 🙂 ) and I also have a lot more idea of what I want out of life and, to quote that old Joe Jackson song, “You can’t get what you want ’til you know what you want.”

Also, as I started to become more in touch with my feelings, I began to write poetry. Being able to express myself in this way was a revelation to me as writing poetry was not something that I had ever thought I would be able to do or even been interested in. Then the poetry led to an interest in web page design when I started a website of my work, called Pieces Of My Heart, in June 2000 and now it seems it has also led to this blog! I don’t think I would ever have started one except for the idea occurring to me to use it to post updates to my site and I really didn’t think I would sit here and write like I have! So I guess the lesson is don’t judge a thing until you’ve tried it… or maybe it’s you never know ’til you have a go 🙂
Pieces Of My Heart - Blog
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